so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
