He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
