do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
