is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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