cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are we still banned from the library?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
