Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
