At least make sure they are 18
Why
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
