so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was born a porn star she said
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
