I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
