I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
