apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
