what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
