shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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