i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
