Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
