My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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