Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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