I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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