she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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