This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
