Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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