Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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