She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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