As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
