dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
