We won't sleep together?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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