A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
