we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
