I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
