I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
