dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
