Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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