her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
