I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
