bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
