im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
