I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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