She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
