I wanna bring you to show and tell
I need help removing her.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
