I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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