im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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