the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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