She is in my trunk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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