I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
