dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
