so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
