i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
