yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
