Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
