weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
