She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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