I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
