Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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